So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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