Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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