I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
