Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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