You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
