I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
