Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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