So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
