pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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