remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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