i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
