Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
