Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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