marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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