Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
