Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
