I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
