I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
