I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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