how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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