I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
