remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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