Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
