Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
