So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
