I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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