Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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