fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
