Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how drunk are you?
Several
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
