the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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