I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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