my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
