im having a threesome with these popsicles
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
