I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
