So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
