what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
