Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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