that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
