I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
