I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
