i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
