There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
