i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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