Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
