Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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