People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
