Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
