So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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