Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
