I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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