so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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