No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
